Gagged and thrown askew...

Had to be at Bangalore for the past 7 days with Pop being suddenly ill... i shud have realized this is gonna be an one helluva week when i saw the following hoarding somewr along the NH-7 near Hosur...

XYZ - Logistics and Whorehousing 

i was sipping some water and spluttered instantly... this hoarding on the National Highway and no one noticed so far??? WTF!!  the one moment i regretted for not carrying the camera.. #sighs... was staring out at every hoarding after that.. pretty me...

Pop was in ICU that means i had to burn my ass on the Hospital corridor and run around like a headless chicken everytime Pop's name came over the hospital speaker... needless to say, most of the time i took out my ideapad and sat processing some click or doing stuff.. No connectivity inside the hospital :(  This made me a curio item with every security fella passing me every 5 mins just to take a peek into the screen... one fella said "Computer?" everytime he crossed me... mind you i hate the word "computer" now.. You will too have u been subjected to the word like 300 times every day for 7 continuous days :-|

actually the Laptop brought me closer to the security guards, who started allowing me to visit Pop even though no one was allowed into ICU... he he he he.. me and my charm!! #EKSI

and i was rechristened "Sandwich Madam"... there wr these CCD counters at each floor and i would go ask for a sandwich around dinner time daily... dunno abt my luck but they ran out of sandwiches every single day... the final day when i was leaving hospital the counter fella came running "sandwich madam, sandwich madam, we have Chicken Mayo today"... umm *facepalms* this in front of hundreds on patients and visitors :-\

Language barrier was another thing.. u shud have seen me dancing like a "boom-boom maadu" every time someone started off in Kannada.. Pop's Doctor was the best, even after clarifying several times that i understand no Kannada, he insisted speaking in Kannada to me and in English to my Mom... errrmm shud i say Mom understands no English.. #grammargandu :D

One nurse went further, she insisted my mom that i can understand Kannada.. mom was stunned and asked "since when??" *facepalms*

Perhaps the highlight of the whole saga was this interesting Male nurse with an even more interesting name...
Actually me being me was reading through Pop's treatment chart and taking notes to consult Google baba to understand stuff... This nurse came over and started asking stuff about me... ahem the fella was tall, cute and ahem ahem sweet... so i was flirting along.. that was till he took out his name tag from his pocket... i balked and moved away within seconds... You would too had you seen the tag.. who in the world will name his kid as "Dildo Raj"... Duh!! oh wait, will u?? seriously?? :D like how did he survive college?? oh wait he was a Malayali... :D

sighs... i am going back once i am free, the roadside trees and flowers are beautiful, i say...

The Next Aiswarya Rai...

It all started with Pantaloon folks sending me a mailer with a call to send in applications for Femina Miss India 2010.. The fucked up mood or the "shaniyan" in me made me update the Gtalk status as "is it a joke or what??? i get a call from Femina Miss India 2010.. yeah rite!!" What ensued was too beautiful not to post as a blogpost.. so here we go "Tada"

Gmail Ping from Prem Piyush aka P-Square:

Prem: congrats Miss India

me: sahi hai. i am ROFLin over the mail

Prem: arre teri koi photo dekh li hogi unhone./they would have seen a photo of yours/

me: haan haan.aur socha hogay mail gayi neksht Aiswaryaaaaa. /then they wud have thought, "Got the next Aiswarya"/

Prem: tu toh waise bhi size zero hai.aur diet par control karti hai./You are size zero, as such and you are on a perennial diet/

me: size zero teeks, magar height bi zero :D /not only size, height is also zero/

Prem: aur smart toh tu hai hi.. u want World Peace, right? thats abt it. /and you are smart too *ahem ahem*/

me: ha ha ha ha... and the one living person I like is Mother Theresa.. :D

Prem: lol.. yeah.

me: ha ha ha ha

Prem: what would you do if you get $1 million?

me: umm, i ll donate it to charity.. that will help those poor ones in somalia

Prem: correcto.

me: *OMG!! expression*

Prem: if you have to chose a person to date ..out of SRK and Mahatma Gandhi .. who would you chose n why ?

me: Mahatma Gandhi obviously... he is the father of nation, making him my father and evryones father na... he did so many things for nation, didnt even wear clothes and gave hisclothes to poor ones.. look at him, so thin.. i think he didnt even eat and gave all meals to needy

Prem: ok. a tough one. 2 + 2 ?

me: oh wait., i know this one...
       i know
       OMG its so easy...
       umm 2 + 2 =
       umm i got it...

Prem: haha.

me: wait wait....
       1+1+1+1 fingers
       umm yeah 3 oh no 4

Prem: *whispers to fellow judge girl got brains*

me: *smiles like a plastic doll*

Prem: so are you planning to do Bollywood movies ?

me: umm.. as of now my main aim is to work for the betterment of the societal needs... but yeah if the chance comes why leave

Prem: so if you are given a brand promotion offer, which one would you pick?

me: oh no..
       i wanna work for world piece and empower-watever of women
       i wanna help girls learn more
       i wudnt make brand promotion yet

Prem: what if UNICEF asks u ?

me: omg omg omg...
       its different
       if UNICEF asks they always have a purpose.oh UNICEF tho big one
       i ll be fully elated to associate with them..

Prem: what abt PETA?
       Would you like to don Pamela Anderson's shoes ..err.. no shoes..

me: oh i would like to stick to my traditional roots of Indian culture.. i certainly wont go nude, come on thats against women and Indian culture.. but from my side i ll certainly do the best i can..i will wear mink coats with lines saying "lets save tigers"

*psst: lets forget my ultra mini bikini round*

Prem:u have been awarded trophy .. and all formality has been done.

me: laughs hesitantly

Prem: now answer :P

me: OMG OMG OMG, really??

Prem: *presents trophy*

me: _tearful eyes which refuse to leave eyes_
       I am so so oh so happy..
       umm i am lost for words
       i tho cant even talk now
       i tho wants to shout with joy
       i wanna thanks all the folks who helped me do this
       my papa, amma, sister, sister's boyfriend, my brother, brother's ex girl friend..hmmm i at this point wants to thank my papa, amma, uncleji, mousaji, aunty, badiwaali auntyji, aapko bi and my dog puny.. my granpa who was with indian army, my grandma, my lovely rose plant, my teddy bear.. my mama, maamie, mausaji, mausi, the one in Dubai whose name escapes me, but will tel as he may get me dubai chocolates... my doggie, my ex boy friend's kitten..
       aur aap judges ko bi
       without you i cudnt have done today
       omg i cant talk now out of happiness..

*blows kiss at every direction*


 Lolz... So thats it.... Yours Truly the Next Aiswarya Rai... Lets just forget another friend who pinged and said "Go na, we will all be happy here"

Yeah Rite!!

Dates - not just the sweet one...

I really wanted to give it a number but seriously there are way too many to count them... I understand that first dates can be pretty awkward and blind dates even more corny... but few of mine take the cake and have made me go meh!! and few, they just linger in my mind and bring on a smile every time I am reminded of it..

Doctor Boy
..Or so what he was introduced as... his cousin was a good friend of mine.. we were introduced over phone calls and got talky over text msgs.. ok ok don't roll your eyes, we were young and tacky then... so one fine day he asked me out and i accepted... when asked how to recognize him, he said he will be wearing a black and white shirt like a chess board... i really dunno when in the world they made a chess board like this..

Lucky enuf i was a "Tota" of the day and wearing a bling bling green dress and we met.. Marina Beach it was... Let me tell you it is a very bad idea for a first date... I ticked him of my list the moment he opened his mouth.. Mind you guys, give the betel nut a miss when you are meeting a girl for the first time in your life.. then we sat for sometime without talking when i announced i had to leave as i had an early class the next day... on the way, he asked if i wanted to eat something.. Seriously i thought he was being nice as the date was a disaster so far... so i settled for the "Chat" he offered.. then came the bomb, "Hey Listen Ratzzz.. can u finish and pay the bill.. i have to take off as my friends are waiting at the other side of the beach"..

Me - well i just dumped the plate on his shirt by "accident" :D

PwC Guy
coz he calls me the TIL girl... :D It was a chalo-lets-go-on-a-lunch wala date... He was a colleague, well almost he was an on-site support from PwC.. New to Indore and bored to hell, he asked me to take him out... Lunch was normal but the conversion flow was good and we were warming up... Next step which really made me like him was the session at my fav book shop..

It was a saturday and the shop was pretty empty... we duly plonked ourselves on the floor and had a great time; discussing books, recommending books for each other, reading lines out of our favorite books... any guy who talks to me about books ranks high on my list and PwC fella still ranks the highest... Happily enuf he is still a close buddy and i am damn sure he will read this more than anybody else out there...

Me: :D and hey in btw Thanks to Hussain Haidry's Papa for bearing us... It was his book shop.

Started this post to list down worst dates of my life.. but then again wanted to chuck out all those stupid memories so changed it... Now me goes, laterzz... :D