A city girl's guide to travelling in Chennai Bus

Travelling in a bus across Chennai city is an art. Or in any city for that matter. But I really haven't traveled in bus in any other city, so I will limit my gyaan bataoing to Chennai.

Now were do I start?? It is necessary for you to understand the different types of buses and bus boards. Bus board is that thingy which has the bus number, origin and destination of the bus written on it. The funny thing is Chennai may be the only city with atleast 4 types of buses and 4 bus board colors. And each is a different service and has a different meaning.

First you have normal buses (if you can call that so), then you have Luxury buses, then you have vestibules, and finally the king of all, the AC buses.Luxury buses are anything but luxury. Lesser seats, no proper ventilation and exit/entry has doors which will open only if the driver is kind enough to let you get down. Lets forget for sometime the luxury buses with the doors prised open and tied to poles by some goondas who don't like technology or just want to get down anywhere at any time. Then you have vestibules, essentially two buses linked together like railway compartments. I don't think, I need to explain AC buses, which seem to be the boon for many folks.

Moving on the color of the bus boards, you have white, yellow, green and blue, the purpose of which is lost on me. White board buses have a minimum ticket price of Rs. 2, followed by yellow with Rs. 2.5, then green with Rs.3 and blue with Rs. 5.  Then you have buses with electronic buses with minimum ticket price of Rs.5. AC buses charge you Rs. 13 as a minimum price.

Are you still with me?? Hello!!!! Someone bring water for these fainted folks plz.. :D

So now you know the basics of Chennai moffusil bus service let us get on with our guide to travelling in a bus in Chennai.

Interiors of an AC Bus

1. When you are taking a bus to a new location, always ask a friend, check, cross check, ask someone, ask the conductor and then get into bus. For example lets take an example that you are taking a bus from Teynampet to Besant Nagar but have to get down on the previous stop. Your friends will ask you to take 23 series bus. But then again you have 23C, 23V, 23C (yup, 23C with a cut), M23C, 23C (LSS) and so on. and then you have electronic board buses, which have the habit to skip a stop if it stops at one. 23V goes to some other location. M23C will take a round about route, which will be a brilliant Chennai Dharsan. And 23C won't plain stop anywhere but at the destination stop. You get the drift. So you always ask a friend, check, cross check, ask someone, ask the conductor and then get into bus, never in any other order.

2. Each bus will have three rods, one at the entrance, one at the exit and one in between. If you are someone like me with no clue about grace, agility and err are basically a clumsy cat, hold on to these rods like your life depends on them. Prefer the ones near the entry/exit as extricating yourself from the middle of the bus will be close to impossible when you want to get down. And RESIST the urge to pole dance on these rods no matter how empty the bus may be. The pain is so not worth it. ouch, rubs the temples.

If you are tall enough to reach the bars on the bus roof, well don't bother :|

3. Carry change. By change I mean 50p & Rs. 1 coins. If your ticket value is Rs. 2.50 or such fractions, you can as well say good bye to the 50p change, unless it is your lucky day.

4. There is no such thing as Ladies section and Gents section. Oh yes, you will see the left portion of the bus reserved women folks. But the last time I saw someone adhering to this rules was err.. way back in the medieval. If you wish to stand all through the journey, you can stick by I-wont-go-sit-in-the-gents-side rule! And there is no such thing as you will be safe from guys if you stand near the ladies side. Bullshit!!

Women getting off a bus

If someone is horny and wants to grope you, he will grope you no matter where you stand. The best thing is to 'accidentally' step on his toes or 'accidentally' drive your elbow forcefully into you-know-where so that it pains and blame it all on the moving bus. :D Or if you prefer drama, just start asking him 'what are you doing?' in a loud voice and watch him being thulped by the aunties on the bus :D

And feel free to kick anyone who says you to dress 'conservatively' so that you won't be troubled by the guys. Seriously!! I have seen girls in Burqah/Purdah harassed more than a girl in shorts and tank tops (the latter being me). Wear anything you want. Just be confident and that will keep any guy away from you.

Normally crowded bus!

5. And the major point of getting seats. On a crowded bus when you see a seated person packing her handbag, closing a book or just adjusting her clothes, thats your cue. Move, wriggle, struggle and elbow your way towards the said seat and land your ass firmly there. Don't give in to any other elements present unless you want to spend your whole two hours of journey standing :|

Its up to you if you want to give your seat to someone. If you see a pregnant lady, a really old lady or someone visibly ill, please be a human and offer your seat. But if someone is using the most cliché "You are young, you can stand" line on you, feel free to bonk their head. Chances would be you would have taken that bus after a 12-hour-brain-wrecking-time-at-office-which-included-a-6-hour-marathon-meeting and the utterer of the sentence would have just emerged out of her house after a  refreshing bath and on the way to meet her family friend. Just give them an ugly stare and proceed to sit or if you are me just ask them "So, which office are you working in and how was your day?" and smirk :-D

The mighty Rs.30 ticket

6. If you are a daily commuter, purchase a pass. This is not only economically good but also helps when the crowd is impossible and no one is passing your ticket. There is also a daily pass system for women, frequent travelers and so on. If you are not a regular but have to travel on a bus way too many times on a single day purchase the Rs.30 ticket. This is not a pass but gives you freedom to travel any number of times , anywhere in the city for one whole day.

Well thats about it. Exude confidence, take that random bus and rule the city!

P.S: I have not included Night Service Bus in this post as I have least knowledge on it.

Disclaimer: These opinions are my own. You may have different experience in a bus. Feel free to disagree. and the pics used are not mine. Thank you Google baba!